Mike's first day of work....ever heard of a bidet??

Ok so all y'all who don't know (like myself before two weeks ago), people over here in the eastern hemisphere like to use this thing called a "bidet" - pronounced "bee-day". What is it may you ask??? well then, let me tell ya.... it's a contraption that shoots water up your bum after you take a crap. It helps to cleanse your rear end apparently :) They have separate semi-toilets that people use sometimes, but here in egypt, most of the time they have this little metal tube with a water connection that the stick inside the toilet bowl and after you're done, you just sit there and let it fly up your ass...

so my first day of work: just as every other trainee here in egypt i've had some slight problems digesting the food, nothing serious, just an interesting adjustment. i like to call it the liquid shit experience (LSE). so anyways, there would be these intense feelings of rumbling in my stomach that would either disappeare after a few seconds or would indicate the need to go to the bathroom immediately. On my first day, June 8th, the entire office had just gone to a staff meeting, except me and Brennan (the other trainee here at Santeon). Luckily this stomach attack came just as the meeting was starting and so i rushed to the bathroom, but some guy was cleaning our bathroom and there was water all over the floor - so i jolted to the other bathroom. Once i had finished my duty, i used 1/2 the measly 1 piece of TP remaining cause i didn't want the next person to be shit out of luck (hahahahaha), and i went to flush the toilet: UH-OH!!! the flush was not working. i felt like the the guy in dumb and dumber or along came polly - a bit panicky- but i calmed myself down and thought. When i was in mexico i used to have to turn this valve at the bottom of the toilet to turn the toilet water on, but there was only one valve to turn, pretty simple. but unfortunately that day, there were two similar looking valves, so i took my chances and went for the valve in the front to see if it would make the toilet work. i didn't know at the time that i was looking for the valve in the back, the front valve was for the bidet control. as soon as i turned the valve, fresh clean water came spewing out from the bidet and hit me square in the shirt, went all over my pants, etc. so i scrambled to turn the valve off but was left with huge water marks all over me, makin me look like i had just had a serious problem in the bathroom.

end: luckily, the maintenance guy was right outside and when i opened the door in shame, i had him flush the toilet manually and all was good. except that i had water all over me, but luckily the staff (except one guy with a desk right outside the bathroom) were at the meeting and most of the water dried by the time they got back. the funny part was that i was so shocked and laughing that once i got back to my desk, i told Brennan the story but forgot to mention that the toilet wasn't working, so he had to go right after me and came across a similar problem, but this time he avoided turning the valve and he ended up just leaving a present for the next person to come....

also: no worries cause i'm officially off the liquid shit experience, i'm about 4 days solid, literally. but the LSE can appear or return at any time....like a bad dream..... In terms of more serious problems, my two roomates, Brennan and Yatzik both had minor cases of food poisoning in the last week, so it looks like i'm next in line to come!!! they both recovered in a day and threw up a bunch of times, but no fever or anything really serious or threatening.

for anyone who thinks this a bit gross, vulgar or disgusting - sorry but i find it funny. it's natural & healthy to talk about this stuff (or maybe not).

quote of the day:

"who cares about beethoven's movements when you can talk about bowel movements?"

ma'a salaam,

Mike